The Old Fashioned Doesn't Drop Anymore
Cole Saladino/Thrillist
Bartenders take a tough job -- when they're not dealing with some truly terrible people, they take to serve drinks that are objectively awful. To notice out exactly which drinks are actually the worst drinks, we spoke to Patrick Williams, beverage managing director at Punch Bowl Social, a nationally expanding bowling aisle/fun-time palace with an crazy cocktail program. And while he says yous should "potable any you desire -- no i can tell you what to enjoy," he besides thinks yous should exist brought out of your alcohol comfort zone. Hither's what not to order, and what to get instead.
Lemon Driblet
"It'southward the quintessential bachelorette party drink. Or if you're at an at-piece of work role, the one lady who doesn't become out much -- this is her drink," says Williams. "I call it the bachelorette beverage because when some women make it groups, it's all lemon drops. It tastes like sweet lemonade. If you have the right products and you use fresh lemon juice and a good triple sec, orange curacao, and a nice vodka, yous tin can pull off a decent Lemon Drib. The fact that information technology's chosen for without seeing it on a card... information technology'due south similar the apple martini. People just have the assumption that every bar can brand those because it's and so swell."
What to order instead: Tom Collins (gin, lemon juice, unproblematic syrup)
Rum and cola
"You tin can meet the theme here. It'southward drinks where there'south no idea put into them," says Williams. "Some people accept been drinking this for 20 years. That'south what they drink. Endeavour something unlike! Rum is a sugar-based distillate, it's already sweet in its nature. And calculation high-fructose corn syrup on top of that -- information technology's an unhealthy potable in my opinion."
What to order instead: Dark & Stormy (nighttime rum, ginger beer)
Almost annihilation called a "-tini"
"That's non a real martini. More specifically, the drink that unfortunately has all the same not died off: the appletini," Williams explains. "The '90s and early on 2000s steakhouse cocktail menus all had versions of this drink. Due to its relatively like shooting fish in a barrel product and only needing some course of dyed light-green apple schnapps, consumers could order them anywhere. They could even telephone call for them when the drinkable wasn't listed on a carte du jour. I would get together that a guest that orders an appletini enjoys sweeter drinks, doesn't similar to gustation the spirits in those drinks, and doesn't become out much."
What to order instead: Southside (mint, lemon juice, simple syrup, gin)
Mimosa
"It's a super-popular beverage -- everyone loves it. It'south part of brunch culture. And I've never been a fan because ordinarily information technology's lower-grade sparkling wine. It's never quality wine to start with," says Williams. "People like the value of it -- like, when they become it abysmal. They're drinking a bunch of them, they're going overboard. And it takes a lot of piece of work to continue filling them upwards and exercise the bottomless affair."
What to order instead: "The French 75 is a classic drink that every bar can make. It's basically a Tom Collins (gin, lemon juice, simple syrup) topped with sparkling wine. It's a light potable; in that location'south not a whole lot of booze to it, and it's adept for the morn."
Amaretto sour
"This is the drink where if someone orders it, we ask for their ID one more time," Williams laughs. "A lot of times it's only amaretto and sour mix. It'south another safe one. It'southward also cloyingly sweet, and is not a balanced drink."
What to order instead: Whiskey sour (whiskey, fresh lemon juice, elementary syrup, Angostura bitters, egg white)
Long Island Iced Tea
"It's a lot of alcohol, but ordinarily the lower-shelf stuff -- the well products," Williams warns. "Information technology gets thrown into the glass with non a lot of care or attempt."
What to order instead: Punch Basin Social Portland'due south Fiji Island Iced Tea (vodka, gin, rum, triple sec, pomegranate syrup, white IPA float)
7 and vii
"I call it the quintessential nuptials drink," Williams says. "It'south like, 'I don't know what to order at the wedding. I don't know what [the bar] volition have.' A lot of times they'll put whatever whiskey they accept and soda. At that place's so many other options. It's the beverage of someone who doesn't get out much, someone who doesn't want to try new things. Someone who doesn't want to try a proper cocktail, like even a whiskey on the rocks. What I don't like well-nigh it is it'south safe."
What to order instead: Sometime Fashioned (whiskey, Angostura bitters, orange slice)
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Lee Breslouer is a freelance writer who believes a whiskey sour can cure whatsoever ills. Follow him for tweets written completely sober: @LeeBreslouer.
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